The Thirteen Cover Design Steps of an Incompetent Author

No judgments—this was roughly my process for doing things.

  1. Open up ‘Paint’ on your computer and mess around with a few images.
  2. Give up, and realize that you’re not going to find that great idea you have on the internet.
  3. Go to [insert grocery/department store] and buy an assortment of random objects and art supplies.
  4. Arrange said objects on a sheet of [insert desired background color] poster board.
  5. Use your phone to take twenty or so pictures of dubious quality.
  6. Upload to Paint and add text.
  7. Realize that it looks like a piece of shit with words.
  8. Flip off the computer screen.
  9. Scrap it, and go for a simpler idea.
  10. Rationalize how great the new idea is.
  11. Compare to covers on Amazon.
  12. Flip off the computer screen…again.
  13. Say ‘[insert your choice of explicative] it’ and hire a cover designer.

One Step Closer to Hell 360x540 WebsiteSounds about right to me. Thoughts?

Shout out to Nicole, the cover designer for my two books. Find her at She has a ton of premade covers, or you can have her do something custom at a reasonable price. My second cover (Right) was a custom cover, and I think she did a great job. She’s ridiculously easy to work with, as well.


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